Chuck norris
From Omnictionary
These Jokes Pertain to John Green > Chuck Norris
for actually Chuck Jokes, see Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is made of awesome. John Green's body expels awesome on a daily basis to keep him from imploding. The day John vomited exactly 16 and one half peeps, Chuck Norris came into existence.
John Green wrote 99.9% of all Chuck Norris jokes. Hank wrote the rest.
Chuck Norris Is always the right answer to extra credit questions in Mr. Hughes' history class. John Green is always the right answer to every question in Mr. Hughes' history class.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
If John Green has one dollar, Chuck Norris will give him his 5 dollars.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. That was until Hank Green taught him basic chemistry. Now Chuck Norris just wishes he still had his reference table.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. John Green is the reason Chuck Norris is hunting Waldo.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. John Green once slammed Chuck Norris with a revolving door.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries, that is, till he read Paper Towns by John Green, but his tears were mistaken for massive amounts of sweat, and thus, went unnoticed, unpreserved, and soon evaporated.
Chuck Norris is RIGHT BEHIND YOU. John Green is IN MY PANTS.
Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick defies everything logical. This is due to the fact that John Green used his own awesomeness to make it so.
Chuck Norris would be the best suicide bomber: he would live. John Green would be a better suicide bomber due to the fact that he could assemble 72 suicide Nerdfighter bombers in an instant and they would all live thanks to the awesomeness of John Green.
Chuck Norris would follow John Green on twitter, but John chose Ashton Kutcher instead.
Chuck Norris went to a Nerdfighter gathering and asked John Green to sign his boots and copy of Looking for Alaska. John agreed.
Chuck Norris knows all the digits of Pi. John Green can fit every digit into a 4-minute video.
Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim on land. John Green can swim in a vacuum.
Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty. John Green changed a full grown elephant into a puppy-sized elephant. Twice.
Quotes
"Chuck Norris can tear your nipple off with his eyeball" - Hank Green
