Crime Dramas Suck

From Omnictionary

A song that Hank Green wrote in which he explains that all crime dramas are getting to be the same and the fact that he's getting bored.

The song appeared as track 13 on Hank's album This Machine Pwns n00bs.

Lyrics

There's a place where you don't wanna be
Where people die constantly
And they never die in normal ways,
It's preposterous but still cliché

When your drug dealer's aunt kills your mom in a duel by
Chopping off her head with a scythe in the pool.
Well, they're not saying it makes sense,
They're just interpreting the evidence!

This is the plot to every television crime show from CSI to Columbo
And I think you know what's in store
That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes will come back 'cause you know he did it
I don't think they're trying anymore
And I'm getting bored

Well, there's semen all over the crime scene
So they used this super-fancy semen testing machine
And the DNA database gets a hit,
But it looks like he might still get away with it

But the final piece of evidence totally stumps the bad guy's defence
And he breaks down in front of everyone and tells them exactly how it was done

This is the plot to every television crime show from CSI to Columbo
And I think you know what's in store
That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes will come back 'cause you know he did it
They're not even trying anymore
And I'm getting bored

And by the middle of the first season
Murder is eclipsed by sexual tension
And I guess that probably happens a lot
Since crime-solving people are always so hot

But then a serial killer kidnaps the girl
And they promise to save her if it costs them the world
And they find her two seconds before she dies
And they hug and they laugh and they screw and they cry

This is the plot to every television crime show from CSI to Columbo
And I think you know what's in store
That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes will come back 'cause you know he did it
They're not even trying anymore
And I'm getting bored